In case my homepage's url hasn't given you any clues, MaryBeth Pinto is none other than myself. She was born out of a late night working on my senior thesis, and a chance remark of my sister's; Jonna once was, among other things, the sports "guru" at gURL.com, and she mentioned that she wasn't getting the vociferous response she'd expected to one of her "sportlets."
gURL also offered free, web-based email accounts.
That was all it took. A few clicks, a bit of inspiration on the name, and my alter ego was born. She shared a magical, three-email correspondence with Jonna before the enterprise was cut off. Jokes can be taken too far, and I didn't want to get my sister fired if her bosses decided she was in on it. MaryBeth has been silent since.
Now, the world can see Pinto's first writings; it is akin, I daresay, to finding Michelangelo's first sketch. I'm not sure, but I think this first email might be the best, funniest thing I've ever written. So, please, read on . . . and feel free to drop MaryBeth a line if you enjoy yourself.
Dear guru,
While for the most part I agreed with your sportlet about John Rocker's punishment, I thought your last sentence crossed the line. You wrote:
While his apology added insult to injury, the guru is certain that Rocker's hubris will certainly come back to haunt him.
Well, pardon me, but what kind of gutter journalism is this? You don't like what the man has to say about minorities and all of a sudden that gives you the right to tell the WHOLE WORLD that he has hubris? I thought gURL was supposed to be all cOOL and pROGRESSIVE. And now you're allowed to tell everybody alive that John Rocker has VD, and worse, that it is a punishment, because he happens to have a big mouth? You are stigmatizing a lot of people by doing this. I hope somebody broadcasts it over the internet the next time YOU get a cold sore, guru.
MaryBeth Pinto
DATE: Tue, 14 Mar 2000 15:43:20
From: jonna@gurl.com (jonna iacono)
To: "MaryBeth Pinto" <m_pinto@gurlmail.com>
Dear MaryBeth,
Thanks for your letter. I'm always excited to hear from a reader of the sportlet. Reading your letter, it became apparent to me that perhaps we have some sort of failure to communicate here; it seems that you may have mistaken the word hubris for "herpes" instead.
Herpes can be one of two diseases. Oral herpes, caused by the herpes simplex I virus, appears as cold sores or fever blisters around the mouth. Genital herpes, caused by herpes simplex II virus, is an STD characterized by painful, itchy, blister-like sores anywhere in the genital region.
Hubris, however, the term I used, is typically defined as an excessive pride or vanity. Reading this proper definition I hope you will see that I was not implying in any way that John Rocker had some sort of venereal disease; I was merely stating my belief that the man has an over-inflated sense of self. In general, I would also like to say that it is not my way to use illness as a means of mocking someone--that is more John Rocker's style than my own.
Thanks again for your letter and I hope this clears some stuff up. If you have any other questions or comments, please feel free to write back.
Jonna
Jonna H. Iacono
assistant editor
gurl.com
212. 742. 1640
jonna@gurl.com
DATE: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 10:47:34
From: "MaryBeth Pinto" <m_pinto@gurlmail.com
To: "jonna iacono" <jonna@gurl.com
Well, guru, I guess you thought you were going to get away with it, didn't you? I was busy feeling all embarrassed about that uppity note you sent me, complete with an over-detailed description of the different kinds of herpes (how'd you get to know so much about VD, anyway?); I even thought maybe I should apologize to you for my mistake. Then I saw that other Rocker sportlet you put up last week, with that line at the end about "should he get the claps". I'm not stupid, guru. Maybe I was the only one who wrote to you about hubris/herpes (though I doubt it), but I know for sure I'm not the only one who read it that way, and I'm not the only one who read what you just wrote as a VD joke, either. I thought you were out-and-out bashing him before, but now I see what you're really up to, and it's a lot more subtle: put as many underhanded signals as you can into the text, and make people think "VD!" whenever they see Rocker's name, and you don't even risk a lawsuit because you never *really* said it. It's like always calling a black man niggardly; the word doesn't really mean anything that bad, but it makes people think the bad word in reference to that person. I was supposed to make that herpes/hubris mistake, just like I was supposed to think "gonorea!" when I read your other sportlet. You don't fool me, guru. You only make me mad. Keep writing what you want, but know that I'll be reading, and maybe writing myself.
MaryBeth Pinto