Why is this such a good story, you ask? Good question.
Well, it involves fast food, a clown, a South American animal that chews cud, and unremitting humiliation. Nothing says crowd-pleaser like that potent combo.
So, here we go. To begin at the beginning, start with the essay. If you'd rather skip to the immediately rewarding graphics, the buttons on the side should help you out. (For those without frames, you can find everything from the essay.)